Pretentious Art Name Generator

Overblown joke titles for parody artworks

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Generate tongue-in-cheek artwork titles that send up gallery language, from 'Toward a Phenomenology of Beige' and 'Interrogating the Chair' to 'Mixed Media on Regret'. Made for parody, sketch comedy, game props, fiction and artists titling a piece with a wink.

About pretentious art names

Every title on this page is a joke. The list sends up artspeak, the house language of wall labels, press releases and artist statements, by pointing its biggest words at the smallest things. A title such as 'Toward a Phenomenology of Beige' or 'Interrogating the Chair' works because the grammar is exactly right and the subject is furniture.

The 1,000 titles run through the familiar habits of gallery naming. There are Untitled pieces with a confessional parenthesis, theory titles that open with Toward, Notes on or Against, verbs done to food and furniture, numbered series that lost count, and materials lines such as 'Oil on Canvas on Floor'. Others borrow gravitas from Latin, French and German, shrink to a lowercase word in brackets, or describe a performance by its duration, as in 'Sitting Near a Radiator, 9 Hours'. A small share are self-portraits as unlikely objects.

The target is the language, never a person: the titles mock how art gets described, not any real artist, gallery or work. None is meant as a label for sincere work, although an artist with a sense of humor is welcome to one. Use them for sketch comedy, props in games and films, fictional exhibitions, memes and quiz rounds.

How to choose pretentious art names

  • Pair the grandest title with the plainest object. 'Ontological Stapler' is funnier on a photo of an actual stapler than on anything that already looks like art.
  • Deliver it deadpan. On a prop wall label, add a medium line and a year under the title and resist any wink; the straight face is the joke.
  • For a fictional exhibition, mix styles the way a group show would: one Untitled with a parenthesis, one theory title, one durational performance and one lowercase word in brackets.
  • Reading titles aloud for a sketch or a quiz? Pick ones with a late turn, such as 'Version 3 (Final) (Revised)', so the laugh lands on the last word.
  • If you are titling real work with a wink, choose a title that still describes the piece a little, so viewers are in on the joke instead of feeling like its target.

Frequently asked questions

What makes an art title sound pretentious?

Mostly a mismatch of scale: theory words such as liminal, praxis, materiality and the gaze attached to something small and ordinary. Titles like 'Liminal Sandwich' and 'On the Materiality of the Paper Towel' use that vocabulary the way real wall text does, which is why the joke lands. Numbering, parentheses and foreign phrases add to the effect.

Are these real artwork titles?

No. They are joke titles written in the style of gallery language, for parody, props and fiction. Nobody has compared them with the titles of existing works, so treat the list as comedy and not as a record of real art.

Can I use one of these titles for my own artwork?

Yes, if you want the wink. A comic title changes how people read a piece, so pick one that suits the work in front of you. Something like 'Still Life with Fruit I Meant to Eat' can sit happily on a real painting.

What styles of title are in the list?

Sixteen, mixed together through the list. They include confessional Untitleds, theory-speak, verbs done to furniture and food, numbered series, grand ideas pinned on household objects, mock portraits, materials lines, lowercase one-worders, Latin, French and German phrases, elegies for trivia, durational performances, gallery signage and mock archives such as 'Atlas of Stains'.

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All 1,000 pretentious art names

This is the complete list the generator above draws its random batches from, sorted A to Z and grouped by first letter.

Plain text, one name per line.

A: 96 names

  • [applause, distant]
  • [awkward silence]
  • A Brief History of My Not Calling Back
  • A Brief History of Slouching
  • A Brief Remark That Became Forty Panels
  • A Cosmos in Every Crumb Tray
  • A Deeply Personal Bucket
  • A Discourse on the Method of Stacking
  • A Footnote to the History of Shelving
  • A Meditation on Impermanence, Laminated
  • A Meditation on Time, Supposedly
  • A Modest Critique of the Ottoman
  • A Natural History of the Junk Drawer

A, continued

  • A Playful Subversion of the Sock
  • A Poetic Gesture Involving a Hose
  • À Propos de Rien
  • A Quiet Rebellion Against Coasters
  • A Radical Reimagining of the Side Table
  • A Rigorous Investigation of Vibes
  • A Secret History of Eggshell Paint
  • A Short Treatise on Lint
  • A Site of Resistance, Also a Shed
  • A Space for Reflection (Mirror Not Supplied)
  • A Sustained Engagement with Putting Things Off
  • A Tender Critique of the Kitchen Island
  • A Timely Reflection, Delivered Late
  • A Title Would Only Limit You

A, continued

  • A Week of Saying "Interesting"
  • Absence in the Shape of a Corkscrew
  • Absence, Reconsidered (Again)
  • Abyss with Handy Carrying Strap
  • Acrylic on Second Thoughts
  • Acrylic on Whatever Was in the Garage
  • Acrylic, Glitter and Doubt on Board
  • Action No. 4: Sweeping, but Meaningfully
  • Ad Infinitum, or Until Lunch
  • Ad Nauseam No. 3
  • Addendum to Addendum 4
  • Against Chairs
  • Against Finishing
  • Against the Notion of Lunch

A, continued

  • Against the Tyranny of the Level Shelf
  • Against Tidying, a Polemic
  • Agenda for a Sulk
  • Alea Iacta Est (I Dropped It)
  • Alienation in a Three-Pack of Sponges
  • All Rectangles Are Sad Rectangles
  • Allegory of the Jammed Drawer
  • almost.
  • Also sprach der Kühlschrank
  • Ambiguity, Clarified (Sorry)
  • An Exploration of Loss, Chiefly Keys
  • An Exploration of Memory and Also Cheese
  • An Inquiry Concerning Human Cutlery

A, continued

  • An Inquiry into the Nature of the Hallway
  • An Ongoing Research Project Into Naps
  • An Urgent Response to Nothing in Particular
  • Anatomy of a Missed Call
  • Anatomy of a Nap
  • And What of the Lamp?
  • and yet
  • Angst vor dem Montag
  • Annotating the Pancake
  • Anthem for Reheated Leftovers
  • Anti-Monumental Thimble
  • Apocalypse with Matching Napkins
  • Apologizing to a Turnip
  • Apologizing to Each Visitor Individually

A, continued

  • Apology to a Fern
  • Appendix C to an Unseen Work
  • Archaeology of a Coat Pocket
  • Archival Pigment on Cold Feet
  • Archival Print of a Screenshot of a Photo
  • Archive of Other People's Shopping Lists
  • Archive of Things I Meant to Say
  • Archiving the Crumbs
  • Are We Not All Somebody's Clutter?
  • Arithmetic of the Last Slice
  • Ars Longa, Prandium Breve
  • Artist Statement in a Language I Made Up
  • Artist Statement, Photocopied Until Illegible
  • Artist's Proof of Nothing in Particular

A, continued

  • Asking Difficult Questions of a Cushion
  • Asking the Cupboard What It Wants
  • Assemblage of Things from the Car
  • At the Intersection of Craft and Panic
  • At the Limits of Drawing, Near the Pretzels
  • At the Threshold of the Utility Room
  • Atlas of Places I Left My Keys
  • Atlas of Stains
  • Attempt 62, in Which I Give Up Sooner
  • Aubade with Leaf Blower
  • Audio Guide Stop 14: Silence
  • Audio Guide to a Blank Wall
  • Auditing the Spice Rack
  • Autobiography of Someone Else's Coat

B: 31 names

  • [blank, but intentionally]
  • [blank]
  • Ballad of the Cart in the Creek
  • Bearing Witness to the Toast
  • Beauty Is in the Eye of the Stapler
  • Becoming Sideboard
  • beige (again)
  • beige.
  • Beige: A Reckoning
  • Being and Nothingness and a Bucket

B, continued

  • Bête Noire, Beige Version
  • Between Gesture and Housework
  • Between Presence and Lunch
  • Between Sculpture and a Tripping Hazard
  • Between Two Stools, Deliberately
  • Biography of a Puddle
  • Blob, Triumphant
  • Blue, but Make It Sad
  • Blurring the Boundary Between Art and Clutter
  • Blurring the Line Between Stillness and Napping

B, continued

  • Borrowed Ladder, Dimensions Variable
  • Botany of the Office Fridge
  • Breath on Glass, Edition of Many
  • Bronze Cast of a Shrug
  • Bronze, Marble, Hubris
  • Brown Study, Browner Mood
  • Brushstroke Seeking Canvas
  • Bubble Wrap, Unpopped, Heroic
  • Bust of a Man Checking His Phone
  • But Is It a Shelf?
  • but still

C: 54 names

  • [chair]
  • [citation needed]
  • Calendar of Cancelled Plans
  • Cantata for a Self-Checkout
  • Canto VI: Laundry
  • Cardboard, Tape and an MFA
  • Carpe Diem, Eventually
  • Carpet: The Early Years
  • Carrying a Ladder Through Small Rooms, Until Asked to Stop
  • Carte Blanche, Left Blank
  • Cartography of the Couch
  • Caution: Meaning Ahead
  • Caveat Emptor (No Refunds)

C, continued

  • Cenotaph for a Lost Charger
  • Census of Pigeons on a Ledge
  • Centering the Coaster
  • Ceremony of the Changing of the Lightbulb
  • Chair/Not-Chair
  • Challenging the Viewer to Find the Door
  • Chanson pour un Parapluie Perdu
  • Chapter Eleven of a Painting
  • Charcoal on Wall (Sorry, Landlord)
  • Charcoal, Chalk and a Chip on My Shoulder
  • Chemistry of a Burnt Pan
  • Choreography for Shopping Carts with One Bad Wheel
  • Circle, Under Protest
  • Cityscape with Feelings Where the Buildings Go

C, continued

  • Civilization and Its Dishcloths
  • Closed Mondays, Open to Interpretation
  • Coat Check Ticket No. 0
  • Cogito, Ergo Sum (Tired)
  • Collage of Unopened Mail
  • Collage, Glue, Deep Breath
  • Collapsing the Distance Between Me and the Fridge
  • Collection of the Artist, Unfortunately
  • Coming to Terms with Coleslaw
  • Complicating the Omelet
  • Composition with Receipt, No. 88
  • Concrete Poured with Great Reluctance
  • Confronting the Quiche

C, continued

  • Considerations Regarding a Puddle
  • Consoling the Stool
  • Contextualizing the Pickle
  • copy of copy of sketch
  • Could This Have Been an Email?
  • Counting to Ninety, Losing Interest at Forty
  • Coup de Grâce for a Houseplant
  • Courtesy of the Artist's Parents
  • Crate the Painting Came In
  • Crayon on Menu, Restaurant Period
  • Cri du Cœur, Indoor Voice
  • Critique of Pure Linoleum
  • Cross-Examining the Chaise Longue
  • Curriculum Vitae (Abridged, Embellished)

D: 44 names

  • damp (triptych)
  • Das Ding an sich, im Sonderangebot
  • Das Schweigen der Lampen
  • Das Unheimliche im Kühlschrank
  • Decentering the Dining Table
  • Deconstructing the Deconstructed Salad
  • Deep Listening to Shallow Puddles
  • Déjà Vu, Déjà Fait, Déjà Fatigué
  • Der letzte Keks
  • Der Stuhl als Wille und Vorstellung
  • Der Zauberberg aus Wäsche
  • Destabilizing the Coffee Table
  • Deus ex Machina, Machina Out of Order
  • Diagram of a Hug

D, continued

  • Diagram of Where It All Went Wrong
  • Dialectical Mop
  • Dialectics of the Spare Room
  • Diary of a Doorstop
  • Dictionary of Words I Only Pretend to Know
  • Die Kartoffel an sich
  • Die Kunst, nichts zu sagen
  • Die Leiden des jungen Tackers
  • Die Traurigkeit der Büroklammer
  • Dies Irae (Monday)
  • Dimensions Unknown, Ego Considerable
  • Dimensions Variable, Mood Fixed
  • Diptych with Missing Half
  • Diptych: Before and Also Before
  • Dirge for a Deflated Balloon Arch

D, continued

  • Dismantling the Flat-Pack Bookcase (Ongoing)
  • Disrupting the Buffet
  • Do Not Lean on the Concept
  • Do Staplers Dream?
  • Does the Plinth Resent the Sculpture?
  • Donor Wall, with Typo
  • Door, Ajar, Therefore Jar
  • Dot, Overthinking
  • Double Portrait: Me and My Doubt
  • Draft 26, Indistinguishable from Draft 1
  • Drip, Intentional
  • Drip, Unintentional, Defended
  • Durational Nap with Audience
  • Dust on Shelf, Site-Specific
  • Dystopian Lunchbox

E: 42 names

  • Eating a Pear Slowly, Durational
  • Echo of an Earlier, Better Painting
  • ecru, whatever that is
  • Edition of 40, Each One Different, Apparently
  • Egg Tempera, Then Just Egg
  • Eight Hours of Not Explaining
  • Either/Or/Whatever
  • Elegy for a Lost Bookmark
  • Elegy in Gray for a Parking Space
  • Eleven Theses on the Paper Clip
  • Embodied Knowledge of Where the Scissors Are
  • Embodying the Recliner
  • Emergency Exit as Metaphor
  • Emptiness, Fully Booked

E, continued

  • Empty Frame, Full Price
  • En Attendant le Plombier
  • Enamel on Fridge Door
  • Encore Nobody Requested, No. 2
  • Encyclopedia of Shrugs, Volume One
  • Endurance Piece: Assembling the Wardrobe
  • Endurance Work with Hold Music, 55 Minutes
  • Entropy in a Laundry Basket
  • Entry 119 in a Diary I Do Not Keep
  • Episode 5: The Ladder Hesitates
  • Epistemic Teabag
  • Epitaph for a Sourdough Starter
  • Equestrian Statue, Horse Not Included
  • Erkenntnis im Treppenhaus

E, continued

  • Estranging the Egg
  • Et Cetera, Ad Nauseam
  • etc.
  • Etching, Itching, Fetching
  • Eternity, in a Convenient Travel Size
  • Eulogy for My Phone Battery
  • Every Circle Is a Square That Gave Up
  • Everything Is a Bowl If You Are Brave
  • Ex Nihilo Nihil Fit (I Tried)
  • Excavating the Lasagna
  • Exercise 40: Wanting Less Beige
  • Exhibit D: The Dish Towel
  • Existential Coat Hanger
  • Exit Sign, Recontextualized

F: 31 names

  • Fable of the Chair Nobody Sat In
  • Fait Accompli, Barely
  • Faith and Doubt in a Cookie Tin
  • Family Portrait with Wi-Fi Router
  • Faux Pas de Deux
  • Fernweh, from the Sofa
  • Figure 3b: See Figure 3a
  • Figure Reclining on a Pile of Invoices
  • Figure Standing Because the Seat Is Art
  • final_final_v7

F, continued

  • Fingerspitzengefühl, with Oven Mitts
  • Fire Extinguisher (Not Part of the Exhibition)
  • Fire Extinguisher (Part of the Exhibition)
  • First in a Series the Artist Lost Interest In
  • Floor Plan of a Room You Are Lost In
  • Folding One Fitted Sheet, Three Acts
  • Footnotes to a Sandwich
  • Forecast: Beige, with Scattered Meaning
  • Foregrounding the Garnish
  • Forgiving the Bunk Bed

F, continued

  • Form Follows Lunch
  • Forty Minutes of Nodding at a Ficus
  • Found Object (I Bought It)
  • Found Object, Returned to Owner
  • Found Objects, Still Being Looked For
  • Fragment of a Fragment, No. 2
  • Fragments Toward an Unwritten Catalog Essay
  • Frame Around a Thermostat
  • Fresco on a Rental Deposit
  • Frieze of Shopping Lists
  • Fugue in Three Unpaid Bills

G: 20 names

  • Genealogy of a Hand-Me-Down Colander
  • Gently Opposing the Trifle
  • Geography of a Dropped Ice Cream
  • Geometry of a Bad Mood
  • Gesamtkunstwerk mit Brotdose
  • Gesture Toward the Exit, Repeated
  • Gesture, Withdrawn
  • Gift of the Artist, Declined
  • Gift Shop Tote, Museum Quality
  • Gold Leaf on Takeout Lid

G, continued

  • Gouache and Resentment on Paper
  • Gouache on Unpaid Invoice
  • Graphite and Eraser, Chiefly Eraser
  • Graphite on Graph Paper on Purpose
  • greige
  • grey?
  • Grid, Exhausted
  • Grief, Rendered in Oven Mitts
  • Group Portrait of One
  • Guestbook Entry: "My Kid Could Do This"

H: 18 names

  • Happening That Did Not Happen
  • Haunting the Credenza
  • Hauntological Toaster
  • Have You Considered the Bucket?
  • Head of a Cabbage, Heroic Scale
  • Hegemonic Doily
  • Here Lies a Perfectly Good Idea
  • History Ends at the Kitchen Sink
  • hmm.

H, continued

  • Holding Space for a Bagel
  • Hole Where the Nail Was
  • Hommage à la Chaise Pliante
  • Horror Vacui in a Studio Apartment
  • How Many Squares Until You Feel Something?
  • How to Disappear Completely into a Sofa
  • Humming at a Wall, 72 Seconds
  • Hymn to the Power Strip
  • Hypothesis B (Disproved by the Cat)

I: 52 names

  • [insert meaning]
  • I Contain Multitudes, Mostly Receipts
  • I Think the Painting Is Looking at My Shoes
  • I Whisper My Passwords to a Brick, 50 Minutes
  • ibid.
  • If Not Beige, Then What?
  • Immersive Experience (Bring a Coat)
  • In Conversation with a Dumpster
  • In Dialogue with the Radiator
  • in lieu of a title
  • In Medias Res, Mid-Sandwich
  • In Situ, In Trouble
  • In Vino Veritas, in Acrylic Less So

I, continued

  • Incantation Against Flat-Pack Furniture
  • Index of First Lines I Never Finished
  • Ineffable Clothespin
  • Infinite Regress of the Egg Cup
  • Infinity, Slightly Dented
  • Inhabiting the Pantry
  • Ink on Napkin, Later Laminated
  • Ink, Coffee and Excuses on Paper
  • Inside/Outside/Beside the Point
  • Installation of 400 Lanyards
  • Installation View of an Installation View
  • Installation with Bean Bags and Dread
  • Installation with Fog Machine and Apology

I, continued

  • Installation: Room You Have to Crouch In
  • Installment 20 of My Indecision
  • Instructions for Looking at a Wall
  • Interactive Piece (Do Not Touch)
  • Interior with Awkward Silence
  • Interior with Figure Leaving
  • Interlude with Vacuum Cleaner Next Door
  • Interrogating the Chair
  • Interrogating the Chair (It Said Nothing)
  • Intervention with Traffic Cones, Since Removed
  • Inventory No. 303: One Glove
  • Inventory of a Handbag, Annotated
  • Inventory of Sighs, Fiscal Year

I, continued

  • Investigating Notions of Home (and the Mortgage)
  • Inviting the Viewer to Leave
  • Invocation to the Muse of Admin
  • Invoice to My Younger Self
  • Is a Rectangle Ever Innocent?
  • Is It, Though?
  • Is This the Work or the Fire Exit?
  • It Has a Name but Answers to Nothing
  • It Is Not About the Chair
  • It Meant More in the Studio
  • Item 14 on an Agenda of Longing
  • Iteration 12, Now with Feeling
  • Iteration 9 (Identical to Iteration 8)

J: 3 names

  • Je Ne Sais Quoi (I Really Don't)
  • Je Pense, Donc Je Procrastine
  • Jenseits von Gut und Beige

K: 1 name

  • Kunst kommt von Können, leider

L: 44 names

  • L'Art pour l'Art pour le Loyer
  • La Tristesse du Grille-Pain
  • La Vie en Beige
  • Label for a Label
  • Label Pending (Since the Spring)
  • Lament for the Good Scissors
  • Lament of the Unmatched Glove
  • Lamp, Deferred
  • Landscape with One Sheep and a Thesis
  • Landscape with Too Much Sky
  • Landscape, Seen from a Meeting
  • Language Fails a Garlic Press
  • Late-Capitalist Lampshade
  • Le Fromage Qui Pense

L, continued

  • Le Grand Peut-Être (Probablement Pas)
  • Le Néant, avec Frites
  • Lecture to an Empty Room, Sold Out
  • Lecture-Performance on Why I Was Late
  • Leftover Painting No. 12
  • Les Chaussettes Orphelines
  • Less Is More, More or Less
  • Letter to a Young Stapler
  • Letter to the Neighbors About the Noise (Framed)
  • Letting the Parsnip Speak
  • Light Switch, Attributed to the Electrician
  • Liminal Parking Garage, Emotionally
  • Liminal Sandwich
  • Line for the Line
  • Line, Wavering

L, continued

  • Lining Up for the Cheese Board, Critically
  • Listening to the Wardrobe
  • Litany of the Lost Remote Controls
  • Lithograph of a Photocopy of a Fax
  • Lived Experience of a Draft
  • Livestream of a Closed Door, 3 Weeks
  • Loading Dock, Sublime
  • Looped Video of the Artist Looking for Glasses, 11 Hours
  • Lot 12: The Remaining Enthusiasm
  • Love Letter to a Storage Unit
  • lowercase on purpose
  • lukewarm.
  • Lullaby for a Smoke Alarm
  • Lux Aeterna, Bulb Not Included
  • Lying on the Floor of the Lobby, Lunch Hours Only

M: 52 names

  • [muffled explaining]
  • Magnum Opus, Minor Effort
  • Making Peace with the Rocking Chair
  • Making Visible the Invisible Dust
  • Manifesto Against Round Tables
  • Manifesto for a Slower Toaster
  • Manifesto, Unsigned, Unread
  • Map of My Excuses
  • Map of the Kitchen, Scale 1:1
  • Maquette for a Monument to Maquettes
  • Marble, Chisel, Change of Heart
  • Marginalia on a Takeout Menu
  • Mark, Regretted

M, continued

  • mauve-ish
  • Mea Culpa (The Carpet)
  • Meaning Is a Drawer That Sticks
  • meh (diptych)
  • Memento Mori (Yogurt)
  • Memo to the Void
  • Memoir of a Paperweight
  • Memorial to a Sandwich Left on a Train
  • Memory and Forgetting in a Belt Bag
  • Memory Is a Sock
  • Memory of a Memory of Toast
  • Metaphysical Cheese Grater
  • Miniature, Enormous

M, continued

  • Minutes of a Meeting with Myself
  • Mise en Abyme of a Mise en Place
  • Mixed Media on Borrowed Time
  • Mixed Media on Regret
  • Mixed Media, Mixed Feelings
  • Mobile, Stationary
  • Model for a Tower of Unread Books
  • Modernity and Its Coat Hooks
  • Module 6 (Requires Modules 1 to 5, Now Lost)
  • Mon Dieu, Encore un Triptyque
  • Monochrome with Crumb
  • Monochrome, Second Color Added in Panic
  • Monument to a Missed Bus

M, continued

  • Monument to the Unknown Stapler
  • more or less (less)
  • Mortality, Illustrated with a Rubber Glove
  • Mosaic of Parking Fines
  • Mourning the Soufflé
  • Movement III: The Fork Remembers
  • Mural for a Cupboard
  • Museum of Slightly Wrong Chairs
  • Museum of the Second Sock
  • Must Everything Be a Triangle?
  • My Kid Did Do This
  • My Practice Is a Kind of Loitering
  • My Practice Sits Somewhere Near the Snacks

N: 35 names

  • (n/a)
  • [not a chair]
  • Nachdenken über einen Eimer
  • Name Withheld at the Request of the Painting
  • Nameless, and Rather Smug About It
  • Nature Morte avec Agrafeuse
  • Navigating the Gravy
  • nearly, though
  • Negotiating the Ottoman
  • Neo-Baroque Dish Rack
  • Neon Sign That Says Nothing, Brightly

N, continued

  • Neon, Wire, Unresolved Feelings
  • new folder (2)
  • Ninety Seconds of Total Commitment
  • No Photography (Photograph)
  • No Sandwich Is an Island
  • No Title, Several Opinions
  • Noch ein Stuhl
  • Nocturne for Fridge Hum
  • Non Sequitur with Teapot
  • Nota Bene: Wet Paint
  • Notes on a Doorstop
  • Notes on Beige as a Position

N, continued

  • Notes on Having Nothing to Add
  • Notes on Leaving the Party Early
  • Notes on Notes
  • Notes on the Failure of My Earlier Notes
  • Notes on the Late Style of the Office Printer
  • Notes on the Subjectivity of the Colander
  • Notes on the Sublime, Written on a Receipt
  • Nothing Is a Chair
  • Nothing, Now in Color
  • Nothing, Reframed
  • Nothingness with Optional Lid
  • Notions of Self, Notions of Shelf

O: 36 names

  • Obituary for an Idea I Had in the Shower
  • Object/Subject/Abject/Reject
  • Objet Trouvé, Objet Perdu
  • Occupying the Loveseat
  • ochre, reluctantly
  • Ode on a Municipal Trash Can
  • Ode to a Pen That Almost Worked
  • off-white (very off)
  • Ohne Titel (mit Titel)
  • Oil and Vinegar on Lettuce
  • Oil on Canvas on Floor
  • Oil on Canvas, Canvas Not Informed

O, continued

  • Oil on Linen, Tears on Carpet
  • On Being Seen by a Houseplant
  • On Loan from the Artist's Hallway
  • On Loan to a Better Gallery
  • On Not Knowing What the Remote Does
  • On the Gaze of the Refrigerator Magnet
  • On the Materiality of the Paper Towel
  • On the Ontology of Leftovers
  • On the Problem of Soup
  • On the Problem of the Other Sock
  • On the Problem of Where to Put the Lamp
  • On the Radical Potential of the Doormat

O, continued

  • On the Sorrow of Containers Without Lids
  • On the Uses and Abuses of the Coaster
  • Ontological Stapler
  • Opening Night Wine, Vintage Tuesday
  • Opus 1, Abandoned
  • Opus 2, Also Abandoned
  • Opus 3, Regrettably Completed
  • or not
  • Où Est la Télécommande?
  • Out of Order (Intentionally)
  • Outgrowing the High Chair
  • Overture to a Disappointing Picnic

P: 66 names

  • (pause)
  • [placeholder]
  • Panel 9 of an Unknown Quantity
  • Parable of the Uncollected Dry Cleaning
  • Paradise Lost Behind the Washing Machine
  • Participatory Jigsaw, Pieces Not Provided
  • Participatory Work, Participation Discouraged
  • Pastel on Sandpaper, Fingers Lost
  • Pay What You Feel (Feel More)
  • Pencil on Wall, Painted Over by Facilities
  • Performance for Nobody, Well Attended
  • Performance for One Kettle, 14 Minutes
  • Performance in Which I Fold a Map Badly, 3 Hours

P, continued

  • Performative Kettle
  • perhaps a spoon
  • Persona Non Grata at My Own Opening
  • Petit Déjeuner Existentiel
  • Phenomenological Sock
  • Physics of Leaving a Party
  • Pink, Reconsidered by Committee
  • Plan for a Garden, Abandoned at the Fence
  • Plaster and Second Opinions
  • Plaster, Wire and Wishful Thinking
  • Plate XVII: A Smudge
  • Please Do Not Touch (Touch)
  • Plinth on a Plinth

P, continued

  • Plinth Without Sculpture
  • Plus Ça Change, Plus C'est la Même Chaise
  • Plywood, Screws, Optimism
  • Polyptych of One Man's Parking
  • Portrait of a Lamp in Three-Quarter View
  • Portrait of a Potato Who Has Seen Things
  • Portrait of Nobody You Know, Looking Hurt
  • Portrait of the Artist as a Tired Radiator
  • Portrait of the Artist Avoiding Eye Contact
  • Portrait of the Artist's Left Shoe, Pensive
  • Portrait of the Wall Behind the Sitter
  • Post-Ironic Umbrella Stand
  • Post-Structural Colander

P, continued

  • Post-Studio Laundry
  • Postcard of a Painting of a Postcard
  • Postcard to a Rectangle
  • Poster of the Show You Are Already At
  • Power, Knowledge, Pepper Mill
  • Praxis IV: The Stapler Refuses
  • Praxis V: The Stapler Relents
  • Pre-Verbal Whisk
  • Preface to a Painting I Will Not Make
  • Prelude to a Nap
  • Prequel to My Next Mistake
  • Presence, Postponed
  • Press Release, Framed

P, continued

  • Previously Titled, Since Reconsidered
  • Price on Request, Meaning Also on Request
  • Private View, Public Regret
  • Problem Set II: The Rug
  • Problematizing the Fruit Bowl
  • Process-Led Mess
  • Procession with Recycling Bins, Thursdays
  • Prolegomena to Any Future Breakfast
  • Proposal for a Bridge Between Two Sofas
  • Proposal for a Monument I Cannot Afford
  • Proposal to Paint a Shed the Color of Hope
  • Proposition 8: The Mug Is Empty
  • Proposition 9: The Mug Was Always Empty
  • Provisional Title, Permanent Feelings

Q: 4 names

  • Quasi-Sacred Ladle
  • Questioning the Scone
  • Quo Vadis, Shopping Cart?
  • Quod Erat Demonstrandum (It Wasn't)

R: 38 names

  • [redacted] [also redacted]
  • Raison d'Être, Mislaid
  • Reading the Desk Against the Grain
  • Reading the Terms and Conditions to a Fern
  • Receipt for an Idea, Non-Refundable
  • Recipe for a Feeling
  • Recipe for Disaster, Serves Six
  • Reclaiming the Footstool
  • Recontextualizing the Meatball
  • Rectangle, Emboldened
  • Recurrence No. 18 (The Hat Again)
  • Red Dot (Sold)

R, continued

  • Red, Explained at Length
  • Reflections on a Radiator I Once Knew
  • Reframing the Picture Frame
  • Refuses a Name, Accepts Compliments
  • Refusing the Canapé
  • Rehearsing the Waffle
  • Reimagining the Nightstand
  • Relational Work with Name Tags, While Supplies Last
  • Rendering the Familiar Strange and the Strange Beige
  • Renegotiating the Terms of the Sofa
  • Reorienting the Coat Rack
  • Reprise, with Fewer Ideas
  • Requiem for a Dried-Out Marker

R, continued

  • Requiem for the Office Printer
  • Requiescat in Pace, Little Sketchbook
  • Research-Based Doodle
  • Reserved for a Work Still in Customs
  • Residency in My Own Kitchen, One Fiscal Quarter
  • Residue of a Good Idea
  • Resin, Pigment, Crumb
  • Resisting the Armchair
  • Rethinking the Spatula
  • Rhapsody on a Parking Meter
  • Rhizomatic Spaghetti
  • Ritual for Returning a Faulty Toaster
  • Rupturing the Baguette

S: 97 names

  • (sic) (sick)
  • [see other wall]
  • [sic]
  • [sound of fridge]
  • Sans Titre, Sans Idée
  • Score for Forty Microwaves, Unperformed
  • Score for Slamming Doors, Second Movement
  • Sculpture Garden (It Is a Parking Lot)
  • Seascape Without the Sea
  • Seascape, Painted Inland from Memory
  • Seated Figure, Standing Ovation Expected
  • Second State, Third Thoughts
  • Section 4, Subsection Regret

S, continued

  • Sehnsucht nach Feierabend
  • Self-Portrait as a Checkout Line
  • Self-Portrait as a Damp Towel
  • Self-Portrait as a Drawer That Sticks
  • Self-Portrait as a Half-Inflated Pool Float
  • Self-Portrait as a Mild Cheese
  • Self-Portrait as a Parking Ticket
  • Self-Portrait as a Pigeon with Opinions
  • Self-Portrait as a Reusable Bag I Forgot
  • Self-Portrait as a Shrug in Bronze
  • Self-Portrait as a Terms and Conditions Page
  • Self-Portrait as a Traffic Cone at Dusk
  • Self-Portrait as a Wobbly Table
  • Self-Portrait as an Expired Coupon

S, continued

  • Self-Portrait as an Unanswered Email
  • Self-Portrait as Hold Music
  • Self-Portrait as My Own Understudy
  • Self-Portrait as Somebody Else's Umbrella
  • Self-Portrait as the Last Olive
  • Self-Portrait Without the Self
  • Self-Portrait, Facing Away, Asleep
  • Sequel to a Piece Nobody Saw
  • Sequence for Tired Eyes, Part 2 of 400
  • Serenade to a Paper Jam
  • Series of One
  • Shadow of a Doubt of a Spoon
  • Shadow of a Removed Sculpture
  • Shall We Not Mention the Stain?

S, continued

  • Shelving the Shelf
  • sigh no. 6
  • Silence Is Also a Kind of Shelf
  • Silence, Amplified
  • Silent Retreat in a Stockroom, Narrated
  • Silver Gelatin Print of My Thumb
  • Sine Qua Non (Snacks)
  • Single-Channel Video, No Signal
  • Sisyphus and the Fitted Sheet
  • Site-Specific Piece for a Site That Moved
  • Site-Specific Sigh, Stairwell B
  • Sitting Near a Radiator, 9 Hours
  • Sitting with the Chair (Not on It)
  • Sketch No. 1 for Sketch No. 2

S, continued

  • Slideshow of My Hallway, with Narration
  • Slow Looking at a Fast Microwave
  • Smudge, Promoted
  • so.
  • Socially Engaged Wallpaper
  • Some Remarks on the Spoon as Such
  • Some Triangles Are More Equal
  • Something, Presumably
  • Sonnet to a Speed Bump
  • sort of
  • Sound Bath, Lukewarm
  • Sound Piece for Squeaky Cart
  • Sound Piece: A Man Says "Hmm" for 40 Minutes
  • Soup/Not-Soup/Still Soup

S, continued

  • Space Is Just Storage We Haven't Filled
  • Speaking Truth to Flower Arrangements
  • Specimen 71: Ordinary Pebble, Framed
  • Speculative Futures for the Spare Room
  • Spoon: A Trilogy
  • Square, Having Second Thoughts
  • Stage Six of Becoming a Triangle
  • Standing in a Doorway Deciding, 6 Hours
  • Staring Contest with a Thermostat, Ongoing
  • Steel, Concrete, Tenderness
  • Still Life with Charger and No Phone
  • Still Life with Existential Kiwi
  • Still Life with Flowers from the Gas Station
  • Still Life with Fruit I Meant to Eat

S, continued

  • Still Life with Lemon and Passive Aggression
  • Still Life with Mug Reading World's Okayest
  • Still Life with Unreturned Casserole Dish
  • Still Life, Moving Slightly
  • Still Unnamed After Lengthy Consultation
  • Stillness, Fidgeting
  • Study After My Own Earlier Study
  • Study for a Study
  • Study for a Study for a Sketch of a Plan
  • stuff, mostly
  • Sturm und Drang und Abwasch
  • Subverting the Breadstick
  • Suite for Radiator, Part the Third
  • Suspending the Pretzel in Doubt

T: 131 names

  • (tbd)
  • (the artist clears throat)
  • (the title is in the mail)
  • Tableau Vivant of People Waiting for a Bus
  • Tabula Rasa, Slightly Used
  • Take 33, the Usable One
  • Tapestry of Missed Calls
  • Taxonomy of Tote Bags
  • Teaching the Bench to Grieve
  • Tempera on Temper
  • Temporarily Removed for Conservation of Dignity
  • Tempus Fugit, Rent Remains
  • Tension, Unresolved, Laminated
  • Terra Incognita Behind the Sofa

T, continued

  • Test Strip No. 5 (Promoted to Artwork)
  • Text-Based Grunt
  • Thank You to Our Sponsors (In Oil)
  • that, but sadder
  • The Abject Tea Cozy
  • The Absolute, Glimpsed Behind a Radiator
  • The Anthropocene, Explained by a Mop Bucket
  • The Artist at Forty, as a Lawn Chair
  • The Artist Declines to Comment, in Twelve Panels
  • The Artist Reads the Manual Aloud, 2 Days
  • The Artist Would Prefer You Stood Further Back
  • The Artist's Cat, Declining to Sit
  • The Artist's Hand, Asking for Funding
  • The Artist's Mother, Unimpressed
  • The Artist's Studio, Mostly Snacks

T, continued

  • The Bench Is Also the Work
  • The Bench Is Just a Bench, Sit Down
  • The Birth of Tragedy in a Sock Drawer
  • The Body as Archive, the Archive as Shed
  • The Body, Space, Etc.
  • The Cafe Is Through the Concept
  • The Catalog Essay Is the Work
  • The Chair Is a Question the Room Asks
  • The Corner Knows
  • The Crate Was Better
  • The Death of the Author's Stapler
  • The Dialectic of the Dimmer Switch
  • The Door Remembers Being a Tree
  • The Eternal Return of the Lost Pen

T, continued

  • The Fork Was Never Neutral
  • The Garage as Contested Territory
  • The Guard Has Seen You
  • The Guard's Chair, Empty, Meaningfully
  • The Human Condition, with Shower Curtain
  • The Kitchen as Stage, the Stage as Mess
  • The Lamp Disagrees
  • The Lawn as Palimpsest
  • The Loneliness of the Long-Life Bulb
  • The Nail the Painting Hung On
  • The Piece Formerly Known as Finished
  • The Plinth Is Doing a Lot of Work Here
  • The Problematics of the Welcome Mat
  • The Rug Forgives You
  • The Seventh of Six

T, continued

  • The Sofa as Text
  • The Soul, Dishwasher Safe
  • The Spoon Does Not Know It Is a Spoon
  • The Stain Was Here Before Us
  • The Sublime, as Seen in a Sponge
  • The Table Has Four Legs and No Answers
  • The Tyranny of the Salad Spinner
  • The Uncanny Pot Holder
  • The Unknowable, on Casters
  • The Void, Held Briefly by a Sieve
  • The Weight of History, in Grams
  • The Window Is Looking at You, Too
  • The Work Asks Nothing and Expects Applause
  • The Work Resists Easy Reading, and Hard Reading

T, continued

  • The Work Speaks for Itself, at Length
  • The Work Wishes to Be Left Alone
  • There Is No Outside the Gift Shop
  • Thermostat (Do Not Adjust the Art)
  • Theses on the Bath Mat
  • thing
  • Thirty Days of Moving a Chair Slightly Left
  • This Is About Something
  • This Space Left Intentionally Meaningful
  • This Too Shall Be Framed
  • This Way to the Art (It Isn't)
  • This Work Explores Space (It Is Large)
  • Thread, Needle, Haystack
  • Three Figures Waiting for the Wi-Fi
  • Threnody for Twelve Missing Teaspoons

T, continued

  • Time Is a Flat Cushion
  • Time, Space and a Lint Roller
  • Time-Based Sandwich
  • Timetable for a Bus That Never Came
  • Title Available on Request (Don't Request)
  • Title to Follow, Meaning to Follow That
  • Title Too Personal to Print
  • Title Withheld for Reasons of Depth
  • Titled (Reluctantly)
  • to be continued (it wasn't)
  • Tondo, Because Corners Are Complicit
  • Torschlusspanik in Pastel
  • Tour de Force Majeure
  • Tout Est Possible, Rien N'est Rangé

T, continued

  • Toward a Critique of the Throw Pillow
  • Toward a General Theory of Crumbs
  • Toward a Grammar of Lukewarm
  • Toward a Hermeneutics of the Group Chat
  • Toward a Phenomenology of Beige
  • Toward a Poetics of the Junk Drawer
  • Toward a Politics of the Shared Fridge
  • Toward a Semiotics of the Shrug
  • Toward a Taxonomy of Sighs
  • Toward an Aesthetics of the Extension Cord
  • Toward an Archaeology of the Sofa Cushion
  • Toward an Ethics of the Last Cookie
  • Trace of a Trace of a Cracker
  • Tracing the Noodle to Its Source
  • Transcendental Dustpan

T, continued

  • Transience, Starring a Tea Light
  • Translating the Dumpling
  • Treatise on the Corner of the Room
  • Treppenwitz, Told in the Elevator
  • Triangle with Stage Fright
  • Triptych in Two Panels
  • Triptych: Fork, Fork, Disappointment
  • Trompe-l'Œil of a Blank Wall
  • Troubling the Bookshelf
  • Truth, Beauty and a Drain Stopper
  • Twelfth in an Alphabetical Series
  • Twelve Hours Under a Desk, Thinking About Desks
  • Two Figures Disagreeing About a Rug
  • Two-Channel Video, Both Channels Sulking
  • Typology of Abandoned Mugs

U: 51 names

  • Über die Müdigkeit des Toasters
  • ugh (reprise)
  • Unfolding the Folding Chair, Emotionally
  • Unlearning the Sandwich
  • Unnamed (I Blame the Framer)
  • Unpacking the Suitcase (Conceptually)
  • Unsettling the Settee
  • Untangling Earphones, Durational, Unresolved
  • Untitled (A Feeling, Roughly)
  • Untitled (After the Argument About Curtains)
  • Untitled (Ask Me at the Opening)
  • Untitled (Ask the Curator)

U, continued

  • Untitled (Aunt Carol Said It Was Nice)
  • Untitled (Because I Ran Out of Time)
  • Untitled (Because Naming Is Violence)
  • Untitled (But I Have Notes)
  • Untitled (Childhood, Probably)
  • Untitled (Draft of the Draft)
  • Untitled (Everything I Did Not Text Back)
  • Untitled (Father Preferred the Lawn)
  • Untitled (Formerly Titled)
  • Untitled (Grandmother's Disapproving Teaspoon)
  • Untitled (Grant Application Rejected)
  • Untitled (Honestly, a Bowl)
  • Untitled (I Am Fine)

U, continued

  • Untitled (I Cried in the Hardware Store)
  • Untitled (I Had a Title and Lost It)
  • Untitled (It Has a Title, I Won't Say)
  • Untitled (It Looked Different in the Studio)
  • Untitled (Mostly About Parking)
  • Untitled (Mother's Silence) No. 47
  • Untitled (My Brother Got the Good Bedroom)
  • Untitled (My Landlord Will Not See This)
  • Untitled (Nobody Came to My Recital)
  • Untitled (Pending Approval from My Sister)
  • Untitled (Rent)
  • Untitled (See Wall Text)
  • Untitled (Sorry)

U, continued

  • Untitled (The Curator Doesn't Know Either)
  • Untitled (The Dishwasher Was Never Mine)
  • Untitled (The Gallery Chose This Wall, Not Me)
  • Untitled (The Label Fell Off)
  • Untitled (The Soup Went Cold While I Explained)
  • Untitled (Third Attempt at Sincerity)
  • Untitled (This Side Up, I Think)
  • Untitled (Wall Text Also Missing)
  • Untitled (We Never Talked About the Hamster)
  • Untitled (What I Meant to Say at Dinner)
  • Untitled (You Wouldn't Get It)
  • untitled.jpg
  • Utopian Trash Bag

V: 16 names

  • vaguely
  • Variation 14 on a Theme of Carpet
  • Variations on a Sigh, Nos. 1 to 60
  • Veni, Vidi, Went Home
  • Verschlimmbesserung No. 5
  • Verse 2, Same as the First
  • Version 3 (Final)
  • Version 3 (Final) (Revised)

V, continued

  • Video Loop of Paint Drying, Director's Cut
  • Video, Color, Sound, Buffering
  • Vigil for a Software Update
  • Visitor Comment Book, Page One: "Why"
  • Void with Cup Holder
  • Void, Lightly Salted
  • Volume IX: The Appendix
  • Vox Populi: "Is This It?"

W: 34 names

  • [wall text pending]
  • Waiting for the Kettle (Live)
  • Walk-Through Environment (Watch Your Step)
  • Walking to the Store and Forgetting Why, Daily
  • Wall Text for a Missing Work
  • Wall Text Longer Than the Painting
  • Wanderlust bis zur Küche
  • Warranty on a Broken Promise
  • Warum? Darum.
  • Was the Kettle Always Watching?
  • Watercolor on a Rainy Day, Predictably

W, continued

  • Watercolor, Mostly Water
  • We Are All Dust, Some of Us Under the Bed
  • Weltschmerz mit Sahne
  • Wet Floor Sign (Bronze)
  • Wet Floor Sign, in Dialogue with the Floor
  • What Remains When the Snacks Are Gone
  • What Shall We Call It (We Shan't)
  • What the Carpet Withheld
  • What the Fridge Is Trying to Tell Us
  • What the Wall Knew
  • whatever (in bronze)

W, continued

  • When Is a Door Not Yet a Jar?
  • Where Do Circles Go at Night?
  • Where Does the Rug End and I Begin?
  • White Room, Slightly Off-White
  • White Wall with Scuff, Attributed
  • Who Gets to Sit, and on What?
  • Who Speaks for the Baseboard?
  • Whose Spoon Is It, Really?
  • Why Is There Something Rather Than Lunch?
  • Wo ist mein Schlüssel?
  • Woodcut, Paper Cut, Budget Cut
  • Working Title (Not Working)

Y: 4 names

  • Yellow, Against My Better Judgment
  • You Are Here (Are You?)
  • You Are Standing Where the Art Is
  • You Had to Be There, and I Wasn't