Porch Goose Name Generator

A porch goose is the concrete lawn goose that has stood guard on Midwestern and Southern front steps since the 1980s, usually dressed in a rotating wardrobe of raincoats, bonnets, Santa suits and football jerseys. Owners talk about them like family members, and the name is part of the tradition. The classic choice is a dignified, slightly old-fashioned human name: Gertrude, Mildred, Winifred, Harold or Eugene, which fits a bird that looks like it is judging your lawn care. Puns come a close second, with Lucy Goosey, Sir Honksalot, Goosifer and Mother Goose leading the pack.

Because the goose is made of concrete and stands by the door, a second layer of names plays on that: Concretia, Pebbles, Porchia, Lady Patina, Duchess of the Driveway, Stoop Sally. Titles are popular too, since a goose in a hat reads as aristocracy, so you get Lady Featherington, Baroness Von Honk or Colonel Honkington. Seasonal names (Pumpkin Spice Penny, Jingle Gander, Raincoat Rita) are a fun option if you want the name to change with the outfit.

This list mixes all of those styles so you can find a name that suits your goose's posture, your porch and your sense of humor.