Funny Item Name Generator

Comic loot, petty curses and gloriously useless gear

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Generate funny item names for tabletop campaigns, video games and stories: mock-epic gear like Helm of Questionable Judgment, junk loot like Suspicious Cheese, puns like Staff Meeting and hand-me-downs like Grandmother's Battle Ladle.

About funny item names

A funny item name borrows the grammar of serious loot and then lets the air out. The classic shape is the mock-epic let-down, a grand opening with a small ending, as in Boots of Slightly Faster Walking, Helm of Questionable Judgment or Cloak of Being Seen. Close relatives are the enchantment with one narrow use (Ring of Finding the Other Sock), the petty curse (Cursed Pillow, Warm on Both Sides) and the over-specific bonus (Plus Two Dagger Against Geese).

The list has 1,000 names and mixes those with other joke shapes, so a batch never reads as one formula. There is junk loot and vendor trash (Suspicious Cheese, Half a Treasure Map), potion and scroll labels (Potion of Probably Healing, Scroll of Terms and Conditions), office and household objects promoted to relics (Stapler of Binding, Grandmother's Battle Ladle), puns on item types (Staff Meeting, Buckler Up), hand-me-downs with a previous owner, bargain copies of legendary things, shop labels with fine print, items with a personality and a shelf of science fiction gadgets.

The humor stays clean enough for a family table, and blades are scarce on purpose, so the names fit every other slot of an inventory: armor, trinkets, consumables, quest items and the clutter at the bottom of a pack.

How to choose funny item names

  • Use one joke item per haul. A comic name lands hardest between two straight-faced ones, so drop Plus One Spoon into a chest beside ordinary gold and a plain shield.
  • Give the joke a rule. Decide what Shield of Loud Noises actually does at the table (a clang that wakes the whole dungeon, perhaps) and players will treasure it more than a real bonus.
  • Match the shape to the source. Junk like Slightly Used Torch suits common drops and vendor trash, while hand-me-downs such as Uncle Gerald's Second-Best Helmet make good starting gear.
  • Read it aloud before you use it. Puns such as Tome Sweet Tome only work when the table hears them, and the longer labels are better written on an item card.
  • In a video game or a story, keep the funniest names rare. A single Legendary Common Rock is a running joke; twenty of them is noise.

Frequently asked questions

What are some funny names for items?

Mock-epic gear is the reliable choice: Boots of Slightly Faster Walking, Gauntlets of Firm Handshakes or Cape of Dramatic Exits. For junk loot try Suspicious Cheese or Single Damp Boot, and for a pun try Staff Meeting or Chain Mail, Forward to Ten Friends.

Can I use these names in a D&D or other tabletop campaign?

Yes. They work as names for your own loot tables, shop shelves and starting gear in any system. None of them comes with rules, so decide the effect yourself: a small real benefit with a comic drawback usually plays best.

Are the names suitable for kids and family games?

The list is kept clean, with no crude jokes and nothing aimed at real people. The humor comes from let-down endings, petty curses, useless enchantments and wordplay, such as Cursed Pillow, Warm on Both Sides or Potion of Levitation, Two Inches.

Does the list include funny sword names?

Only a handful of blades. This page covers the rest of the inventory: armor, shields, bows, maces, staffs, rings, potions, scrolls, quest items and plain junk, with names such as Crossbow of Hitting Barn Doors and Epic Flail.

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All 1,000 funny item names

This is the complete list the generator above draws its random batches from, sorted A to Z and grouped by first letter.

Plain text, one name per line.

A: 37 names

  • Abacus of Creative Accounting
  • Abbot Crispin's Slippers of Shuffling
  • Accordion That Follows You
  • Alien Artifact, Probably a Spoon
  • Almanac of Last Year's Weather
  • Almost Golden Fleece
  • Amazing Mace
  • Amulet of Knowing It Is Tuesday
  • Amulet of Saving Throws Versus Naps
  • Amulet of the Ancients, Fresh Paint
  • Amulet of the Wobbly Table
  • Amulet That Hates Mornings

A, continued

  • Ancient Prophecy, Subject to Change
  • Ancient Relic, Made Last Week
  • Ancient Shopping List
  • Ancient Yogurt
  • Antidote to the Wrong Poison
  • Antigravity Paperweight
  • Anvil of Lightness, Twelve Stone
  • Anvil with Stage Fright
  • Apologetic Bear Trap
  • Apple a Day, Six Days Old
  • Apprentice's First Wand, Tooth Marks Included
  • Apron of the Underprepared

A, continued

  • Archery Target, Never Been Hit
  • Armor of Legend, Papier-Mache
  • Armor of Resistance to Lukewarm Things
  • Armor of Squeaking at Bad Moments
  • Arrow (Blunt for Safety)
  • Arrow of Slaying, Single Use
  • Arrow Slit Curtains
  • Artifact-Grade Pebble
  • Assault Ladle
  • Aunt Mabel's Knitted Chainmail
  • Auntie Prue's Scarf of Excessive Length
  • Axe of Chopping Exactly One Tree
  • Axe of Kindness

B: 79 names

  • Backpack That Sighs When Opened
  • Backpack with Seventeen Tiny Pockets
  • Bag of Old Bread Ends
  • Bagpipes That Play Themselves at Night
  • Baguette of Bludgeoning
  • Balm of Calm, Expired
  • Bandage Roll, One Bandage Long
  • Bandit Mask with No Eye Holes
  • Bandit's Grocery List
  • Banjo, Regrettably Enchanted
  • Bard Lionel's Out-of-Tune Lute
  • Bard's Backup Triangle
  • Bard's Rejected Verses

B, continued

  • Bardic Diploma, Unaccredited
  • Barometer of Stating the Obvious
  • Baron's Third-Favorite Goblet
  • Barrel That Was Someone's Hiding Spot
  • Basilisk Fang, Whittled
  • Bat Wing, Left
  • Battle Bongos
  • Battle-Worn Colander
  • Battleaxe of Splitting the Bill
  • Beacon Kindling, Damp
  • Bear Trap, Sprung
  • Bedroll, Pre-Dampened
  • Bell of Warning After the Fact

B, continued

  • Bell That Rings When Nobody Listens
  • Belt Buckler
  • Belt with One Notch Too Few
  • Bent Fork
  • Bestiary of Animals You Have Met
  • Bib of the Messy Paladin
  • Big Sister's Old Spellbook, Doodled In
  • Binder of Loose Ends
  • Blacksmith's First Attempt
  • Blank Signpost
  • Blanket of Cold Feet
  • Blowgun of Poison, Poison Sold Separately
  • Boiled Sweet Covered in Pocket Fluff

B, continued

  • Bolas of Tripping the Thrower
  • Bolt Upright
  • Bone of Uncertain Ownership
  • Bonnet of Battle
  • Book Club
  • Book of All Spells, Abridged
  • Book of Blank Prophecies
  • Boomerang of Not Coming Back
  • Boot Leg
  • Boot, Left in a Cart
  • Boots of Left and Also Left
  • Boots of Slightly Faster Walking
  • Boots of Walking Back to Town

B, continued

  • Boots That Want to Go Home
  • Boss Room Key, Bent
  • Bottle Labeled Do Not Shake
  • Bottomless Purse, Bottom Missing
  • Boulder, Rolling, Slow
  • Bounty Poster with a Mustache Drawn On
  • Bow of Accuracy Under Ten Feet
  • Bow of the Curtain Call
  • Bow Tie of Accuracy
  • Bow Window
  • Boxing Ring
  • Bracelet of the Lost Train of Thought
  • Bread Bin, Mouse Approved

B, continued

  • Bread of the Third Day
  • Breastplate, Polished on the Front
  • Bridge Troll's Loyalty Card
  • Briefcase of Brief Cases
  • Broken Lute String
  • Brooch of Detecting Soup
  • Broom of Sweeping Statements
  • Bubbling Flask of Don't Ask
  • Bucket of Steam
  • Buckler and Braces
  • Buckler Up
  • Budget Wand of Bargain Bolts
  • Burnt Toast of Unknown Origin
  • Business Card of a Lesser Demon

C: 102 names

  • Cake of Hardtack, Party Size
  • Calendar of Double Bookings
  • Caltrops (Individually Wrapped)
  • Candle of Burning at Both Ends
  • Candle Stub
  • Candle That Burns at Neither End
  • Candle, Scentless Lavender
  • Canteen That Tastes of Canteen
  • Cap of Invisibility, See-Through
  • Cape of Dramatic Exits
  • Cape Town
  • Cart Pass, Weekdays Only
  • Cart Wheel, Square
  • Cellar Hermit's Jar Collection

C, continued

  • Ceremonial Spork
  • Chain Mail, Forward to Ten Friends
  • Chainmail of Endless Jingling
  • Chalice of Kings, Dishwasher Chipped
  • Chandelier of Imminent Peril
  • Charm of Forgetting Why You Came In
  • Cheese Grater of Lesser Wounds
  • Cheese Wheel of Fortune
  • Chest (Empty, Ornate)
  • Chest Key for a Chest You Sold
  • Chest That Is Shy
  • Chew Toy Shaped Like a Knight
  • Chief of Staff
  • Chocolate Teapot
  • Chosen One Certificate, Name Left Blank

C, continued

  • Chosen One's Destiny, Store Brand
  • Chronicle of Somebody's Uneventful Week
  • Circlet of Second Thoughts
  • Climbing Kit for Flat Terrain
  • Clingy Gauntlet
  • Clipboard of Looking Official
  • Cloak of Being Seen
  • Cloak of Getting Caught on Doors
  • Cloak of Resistance to Drizzle
  • Cloak of Shadows, Gray Bedsheet
  • Cloak That Gossips
  • Cloaking Device, Visible Switch
  • Club Membership, Lapsed
  • Club of Critical Hits on Pinatas

C, continued

  • Club Sandwich
  • Clue, Red Herring Variety
  • Cobweb Bundle
  • Codex of Common Sense, Unopened
  • Coin That Always Lands in a Drain
  • Coin, Chocolate, Melted
  • Colander of Protection
  • Collapsible Ten-Foot Pit
  • Collar for an Invisible Dog
  • Collector's Fifth Bear Pelt Request
  • Combat Slippers
  • Common Courtesy
  • Compass That Points at the Holder
  • Compass with Trust Issues
  • Compass, North Optional

C, continued

  • Contract Signed in Disappearing Ink
  • Cook's Missing Soup Spoon
  • Cookbook of One Hundred Gruels
  • Cookie Jar of Guarded Treasure
  • Cordial of Cordiality
  • Cork Board of Conspiracy Strings
  • Corkscrew of Twisted Fate
  • Cornucopia of Mostly Radishes
  • Coupon, Expired
  • Cousin Bertram's Outgrown Greaves
  • Cowl of Looking Suspicious
  • Cracked Egg Timer
  • Cracked Monocle
  • Crate You Cannot Open

C, continued

  • Crossbow of Hitting Barn Doors
  • Crossbow, Quite Cross
  • Crouton of the Soup Guardian
  • Crown Jewels, Paste Edition
  • Crown of the Runner-Up
  • Crust of Destiny
  • Crystal Ball, Glass Marble
  • Crystal Shard, One of Ninety-Nine
  • Cuckoo Clock of Dramatic Timing
  • Cup of Refilling with Rainwater
  • Curse of the Slightly Short Sleeve
  • Cursed Backpack, Heaviest Item on Top
  • Cursed Bedroll with a Root Under It
  • Cursed Boots, Pebble Included
  • Cursed Chair of the Short Leg

C, continued

  • Cursed Coin Purse with a Small Hole
  • Cursed Hat of Blowing Away
  • Cursed Ledger of Paper Cuts
  • Cursed Lute, One String Flat
  • Cursed Map, Folds Wrong Forever
  • Cursed Pillow, Warm on Both Sides
  • Cursed Sandwich, Always Soggy
  • Cursed Shoelace of Coming Undone
  • Cursed Sock of Eternal Dampness
  • Cursed Spellbook of Stuck Pages
  • Cursed Tent of the Missing Peg
  • Cursed Torch of Blowing Out in Caves
  • Cursed Wheelbarrow of the Wobbly Wheel
  • Curtain Ring of Dominion
  • Cushion Fort Keystone

D: 44 names

  • Dad's Dungeon Sandals
  • Dagger of Stabbing in Good Lighting
  • Dame Agatha's Opera Glasses
  • Dart Board Meeting
  • Datapad of Unskippable Cutscenes
  • Dead Pirate's Other Boot
  • Decorative Battleaxe
  • Decoy Treasure Chest, Also Empty
  • Deed to a Swamp
  • Dehydrated Water Flask
  • Dented Soup Tin
  • Desk with One Drawer That Sticks
  • Diary of a Very Dull Lich
  • Dice That Always Roll Under the Couch

D, continued

  • Dictionary Missing the Letter Q
  • Diplomatic Cushion
  • Disguise Kit: Mustache and Hope
  • Dish Towel of Surrender
  • Divine Dish Rag
  • Divining Rod of Finding Puddles
  • Doll That Watches You Eat
  • Door Knocker with a Head Cold
  • Doormat of Unwelcome
  • Dragon Egg, Painted Rock
  • Dragon Hoard Starter Kit
  • Dragon Leash, Chewed Through
  • Dragon's Change of Address Form
  • Dragon's Dental Records
  • Dragonbone Bow, Driftwood

D, continued

  • Draught of Deja Vu, Again
  • Draught of Dry Socks
  • Draught of Remembering Song Lyrics
  • Draught of Sudden Honesty
  • Dreadful Doily
  • Dress Uniform for a Goblin
  • Dull Butter Knife
  • Dumpling of Surprise
  • Dungeon Brochure with Rave Reviews
  • Dungeon Dust Bunny
  • Dungeon Exit Sign
  • Dungeon Floor Plan, Ground Floor Only
  • Dungeon Mood Lighting
  • Dwarven Masterwork, Apprentice Work
  • Dwarven Rock Bun, Actual Rock

E: 30 names

  • Earmuffs of Missed Warnings
  • Egg of Uncertain Age
  • Elbow Patch of Scholarly Defense
  • Elixir Marked Probably Fine
  • Elixir of Feeling About the Same
  • Elixir of Life, Trial Size
  • Elixir of Luck, Bad
  • Elixir of Tallness, Results May Vary
  • Elixir of Understanding Cats, Briefly
  • Elven Cloak, Made by Gnomes
  • Emergency Biscuit
  • Emergency Door, Frame Not Included
  • Emergency Trombone
  • Empty Potion Bottle, Sticky
  • Empty Quiver

E, continued

  • Enchanted Egg Whisk
  • Enchanted Rose, Silk
  • Enchanted Shoehorn
  • Encyclopedia, Volume Aardvark Only
  • Energy Shield, Low Battery
  • Epic Flail
  • Epic Pants of Ordinary Fit
  • Escape Pod Air Freshener
  • Escort Mission Leash
  • Everlasting Candle, Burns Two Hours
  • Evidence Bag of Crumbs
  • Ex-Adventurer's Unused Gym Rope
  • Exalted Doorknob
  • Excellent Knock-Off Elven Rope
  • Exquisite Gravel

F: 39 names

  • Fabled Lint
  • Faded Wanted Poster of Yourself
  • Faerie Dust, Flour
  • Fake Wall Kit
  • Familiar's Tiny Hat
  • Fan Mail
  • Fan of Gentle Disapproval
  • Favor Owed by a Minor Duke
  • Feather Duster Feather
  • Feather Duster of the Phoenix
  • Ferry Token, Wrong River
  • Ferryman's Tip Jar
  • Fetch Quest Stick

F, continued

  • Field Guide to Rocks That Bite
  • Filing Cabinet of Forgotten Lore
  • Final Clue, First Edition
  • Fireplace Poker of Stoking Arguments
  • Fish Bones, Complete Set
  • Fish on a Stick, Stick Only
  • Fishing Net, Extra Holes
  • Flail of Double Damage to Scarecrows
  • Flail of the Century
  • Flask of Fizzing for No Reason
  • Flat Tambourine
  • Flawless Lump
  • Flute of Summoning One Pigeon

F, continued

  • Flying Carpet, Hovering Bath Mat
  • Footstool of Middle Management
  • Footstool of Reaching the Top Shelf
  • Forbidden Hairbrush
  • Force Field Umbrella, Light Showers
  • Formal Gauntlets, White
  • Former Champion's Participation Ribbon
  • Former Tenant's Mystery Box
  • Fountain of Youth, Bottled at the Tap
  • Frayed Rope, Four Feet
  • Free Lance
  • Freeze Ray, Chilled Setting
  • Fruitcake, Regifted for Three Generations

G: 46 names

  • Garden Gnome of Vigilance
  • Garden Shears of the Hedge Knight
  • Garlic of Vampire Annoyance
  • Gatekeeper's Other Gate Key
  • Gauntlet, Thrown Down Once
  • Gauntlets of Firm Handshakes
  • Gauntlets of Itchy Noses
  • Gavel of Tabling the Motion
  • Gem That Is Probably Hard Candy
  • Genuine Imitation Dragon Scale
  • Giant Slayer's Sling, Rubber Band

G, continued

  • Giant's Baby Rattle
  • Gingerbread Knight, One Arm Bitten
  • Glass Hammer
  • Glass Slipper, Plastic
  • Glove at First Sight
  • Glove Compartment
  • Gloves of Dropping Things
  • Gnawed Chair Leg
  • Goblin Stew, Hold the Goblin
  • Godmother's Backup Pumpkin
  • Goggles of Seeing What Is Already There
  • Golden Goose Egg, Brass

G, continued

  • Golden Ticket to the Wrong Castle
  • Golf Club of the Nine Realms
  • Gong of Polite Interruption
  • Gordian Shoelace
  • Grandfather Clock's Grandson's Watch
  • Grandma's Recipe Card, One Line Smudged
  • Grandmother's Battle Ladle
  • Grandmother's Good Scissors, Do Not Touch
  • Grandpa's Lucky Fishing Hat
  • Granny Wren's Thimble of Thunder
  • Grappling Gun with a Short String

G, continued

  • Grappling Hook, Hook Sold Separately
  • Gravy Boat of the High Seas
  • Great-Aunt Hilda's War Bonnet
  • Great-Uncle Mortimer's Monocle Chain
  • Greave Mistake
  • Griffin Feather Quill, Goose
  • Griffin Litter Scoop
  • Grimoire of Overdue Library Fines
  • Gruel, Extra Thin
  • Grumpy Cauldron
  • Guard's Lunch Break Schedule
  • Guide to Getting Lost Efficiently

H: 48 names

  • Halberd, Too Long for the Hallway
  • Half a Treasure Map
  • Hammer of Bonus Damage to Thumbs
  • Hammer of Fixing the Clock, Once
  • Hammer of Hanging Pictures
  • Hammer, Painted Yellow for Safety
  • Hamster Wheel Shield
  • Hat of Looking Taller
  • Hat Stand with Ambitions
  • Hauberk and Call
  • Haunted Doorbell
  • Haunted Footstool

H, continued

  • Heirloom Doorstop
  • Helm of Feeling Overwhelmed
  • Helm of Protection from Low Branches
  • Helm of Questionable Judgment
  • Helm of Seeing Only Forward
  • Helm of the Dragon King, Child Size
  • Helmet of Hat Hair
  • Helmet That Hums Marching Songs
  • Helmet, Fits Most Turnips
  • Henchman's Lunch Voucher
  • Hermit's Guest Mug, Never Used
  • Hero's Cape, Tablecloth

H, continued

  • Hero's Tax Return
  • Heroic Sandwich, Half Eaten
  • Heroic Shoelaces
  • Hexed Door Key, Second Try Only
  • Hexed Kettle of Almost Boiling
  • Hexed Mittens Joined by String
  • Hexed Pocket Watch, Seven Minutes Fast
  • Hexed Scarf, Itchy Wool
  • Hexed Umbrella That Inverts
  • Hologram of a Better Blaster
  • Honey Cake of the Bear Tax
  • Honey Pot of Sticky Situations

H, continued

  • Hood of Poor Peripheral Vision
  • Horn of Plenty of Noise
  • Horn of Summoning the Neighbors
  • Horse Armor for a Hobby Horse
  • Horse Blinkers for Brave Riders
  • Horseshoe Set of Three
  • Hostage's Very Long Complaint
  • Hot Cross Bun, Cold and Cross
  • Hourglass of About an Hour
  • Hourglass of Meetings That Could Be Letters
  • Hover Boots, Ankle Height
  • Humble Pie, Family Size

I: 11 names

  • Imp Horn Shavings
  • Inbox of Eternal Return
  • Inflatable Anvil
  • Ink Stamp of Received, Not Read
  • Innkeeper's Complaint Ledger
  • Instant Campfire, Just Add Fire
  • Instruction Leaflet in Draconic
  • Invisible Ink, Empty Bottle
  • Invitation to Last Night's Ball
  • IOU from a Dragon
  • Ironing Board of the Flat Earth

J: 14 names

  • Jam Jar of Captured Fireflies
  • Jam of the Day After Tomorrow
  • Javelin of Returning Eventually
  • Jerky of Endless Chewing
  • Jester's Retirement Bells
  • Jetpack, Fuel Light On
  • Jinxed Arrow That Apologizes
  • Jinxed Compass of Scenic Routes
  • Jinxed Dice of Rolling a One
  • Jinxed Ladder, One Rung Missing
  • Jinxed Quill That Smudges
  • Jinxed Rope That Knots Itself
  • Judgmental Mirror
  • Junk Mail

K: 10 names

  • Kettle of Whistling Doom
  • Kettle That Sings Off Key
  • Key That Opens Jars
  • Key to a Door in Another Dungeon
  • King's Food Taster's Fork
  • Kingdom Census Form
  • Knight Errant's Errand List
  • Know-It-All Spellbook
  • Kobold's Bottle Cap Collection
  • Kraken Ink, Blackberry Juice

L: 47 names

  • Ladder (Horizontal Use Only)
  • Ladder to the Ground Floor
  • Ladle of Even Portions
  • Lamp of the Three Suggestions
  • Lampshade of Party Disguise
  • Lance a Lot
  • Lance of Jousting Parked Carts
  • Landlady's Master Key Copy
  • Lantern That Only Lights Itself
  • Lantern, Batteries Not Invented Yet
  • Lanyard of Limited Access

L, continued

  • Laser Pointer of Cat Summoning
  • Last Owner's Lingering Lunch Smell
  • Last Year's Chosen One's Amulet
  • Late Wizard's Reading Glasses
  • Ledger of Favors Owed to Gnomes
  • Left-Handed Screwdriver of Legend
  • Legendary Butter Spreader
  • Legendary Common Rock
  • Legendary Laundry Basket
  • Legendary Leftovers
  • Legendary Shield, Legend Pending
  • Legendary-Looking Axe

L, continued

  • Lens of Reading Small Print Aloud
  • Letter Addressed to Current Adventurer
  • Letter of Mild Recommendation
  • Letter Opener of Bad News
  • Lich's Soul Jar Warranty Card
  • Lighthouse Bulb of Guidance
  • Lighthouse Keeper's Night Light
  • Little Timmy's Wooden Shield
  • Lock Without a Keyhole
  • Locket of Somebody Else's Memories
  • Locket of the Embarrassing Portrait
  • Lockpick Made from a Noodle

L, continued

  • Longbow of Short Distances
  • Longbow, Long Story
  • Loot Bag Containing a Smaller Loot Bag
  • Lost Cat Poster, Cat Enclosed
  • Lost Heir's Baby Shoe
  • Lost Property Box of Wonders
  • Love Letter to a Mimic
  • Lucky Rabbit Foot, Rabbit Disagrees
  • Lump of Mostly Coal
  • Lunch of Champions, Runner-Up Portion
  • Lute That Remembers Better Bards
  • Lute with Six Strings, All G

M: 46 names

  • Mace of Smiting on Alternate Thursdays
  • MacGuffin, Slightly Dented
  • Magic Beans, Regular Beans
  • Magic Lamp, Genie Not Included
  • Magnet for Wooden Things
  • Mail Pigeon of Delayed Delivery
  • Manacles (Key Taped to the Back)
  • Manual of Assembling the Manual
  • Map Fragment, Corner Piece
  • Map That Says I Told You So
  • Map That Shows Where You Have Been

M, continued

  • Map to the Map Shop
  • Marshmallow of Campfire Diplomacy
  • Mask of Recognizable Features
  • Masterwork Stick
  • Mayor's Lost Chain of Office Supplies
  • Meat Pie, Meat Optional
  • Medkit, Bandages and Encouragement
  • Memo of Doom, Second Notice
  • Mentor's Disappointed Whistle
  • Mermaid's Tear, Saltwater
  • Mess Kit (Accurately Named)
  • Metronome with No Sense of Rhythm

M, continued

  • Midas Touch-Up Paint
  • Milkmaid's Alibi
  • Miller's Daughter's Flour Sack Armor
  • Mimic Tooth
  • Minus One Shield of Optimism
  • Mirror of Mild Flattery
  • Mirror of Truth, Slightly Bent
  • Mismatched Dice
  • Missing Puzzle Piece, Sky Blue
  • Mittens of Clumsy Spellcasting
  • Monocle of Seeing Half the Problem

M, continued

  • Moon Rock, Local
  • Morning Star, Evening Edition
  • Morningstar of Smiting Before Noon
  • Moth-Eaten Banner
  • Mousetrap of Finger Finding
  • Mud, High Quality
  • Mum's Emergency Sewing Kit
  • Mushroom, Fifty-Fifty
  • Mysterious Lever with No Wall
  • Mystery Meat on a Stick
  • Mystic Riddle, Answer on the Back
  • Mythic Sock, Single

N: 10 names

  • Nana's Cast Iron Skillet of Justice
  • Narrow Arrow
  • Necromancer's Guest Book
  • Needle That Finds Haystacks
  • Neighbor's Borrowed Ladder, Never Returned
  • Nervous Lantern
  • Net for Catching Compliments
  • Night Vision Goggles, Tinted
  • Noodle of Infinite Length
  • Notice of Mandatory Fun

O: 17 names

  • Ocarina, One Hole
  • Ogre Child's Finger Painting
  • Ogre's Lost Sandal
  • Old Hob's Lantern of Getting Lost
  • Old Master Finch's Chipped Teacup
  • Old Tobias's Walking Stick of Complaints
  • Ominous Spoon Rest
  • One Left Glove

O, continued

  • One-Way Mirror, Wrong Way
  • Oracle's Bones, Chicken Dinner
  • Orb Bit
  • Orb of Knowing Who Ate the Last Pie
  • Orb of Ultimate Power, Display Model
  • Orc Tooth with a Cavity
  • Orphaned Plot Hook
  • Oven Mitt of the Forge Father
  • Overly Honest Scales

P: 103 names

  • Paladin Percy's Polishing Cloth
  • Pamphlet of Dungeon Safety Tips
  • Pancake of Flat Refusal
  • Pandora's Lunchbox
  • Pantry Key of Midnight Raids
  • Paperweight of Crushing Deadlines
  • Parachute, Opens on Impact
  • Parrot Perch with Opinions Attached
  • Password Written on a Rock
  • Pauldrons of Shrugging
  • Pebble of Skipping Twice
  • Pencil of Erasing Mistakes, Eraser Missing
  • Pendant of Forgetting Names at Parties
  • Pepper Mill of Sneezing Clouds

P, continued

  • Peppercorn, Accepted as Rent
  • Performance Review of Prophecy
  • Permit for One Small Quest
  • Petty Hex in a Jar
  • Philosopher's Pebble
  • Philter of Befriending Geese
  • Phoenix Feather, Probably Chicken
  • Phrasebook of Goblin Apologies
  • Pickle of Preservation
  • Pie Chart of Actual Pie
  • Pie of Unknown Filling
  • Pigeon Message Reading Disregard
  • Pike of Fish Slaying, Pike Only
  • Pike, Borrowed from a Fence
  • Pile of Loose Hinges

P, continued

  • Pillow of the Dream Warden
  • Pitcher That Pours Sideways
  • Plaque of Employee of the Moon
  • Plasma Toaster
  • Plate Mail, Dishwasher Safe
  • Plus Five Breadknife Versus Stale Loaves
  • Plus Four Pillow of Fort Defense
  • Plus Four Rolling Pin of Flat Justice
  • Plus One Bucket of Fire Resistance
  • Plus One Buckler Versus Thrown Fruit
  • Plus One Crowbar of Polite Entry
  • Plus One Fork Against Peas
  • Plus One Frying Pan of Breakfast
  • Plus One Gloves of Jar Opening
  • Plus One Hat, Plus Three in Rain

P, continued

  • Plus One Net of Butterfly Catching
  • Plus One Paddle Without a Canoe
  • Plus One Spoon
  • Plus One Torch Against the Dark, Mostly
  • Plus One Umbrella of Sunshine Deflection
  • Plus One Whisk of Stiff Peaks
  • Plus Six Toothpick of Giant Slaying
  • Plus Three Broom Versus Cobwebs
  • Plus Three Ladle Against Lumps
  • Plus Three Mop of Slippery Floors
  • Plus Two Boots Against Wet Grass
  • Plus Two Chisel of Typos in Stone
  • Plus Two Dagger Against Geese
  • Plus Two Quill of Strongly Worded Letters

P, continued

  • Plus Two Rake of Stepping On
  • Plus Two Trowel of the Garden Wars
  • Pocket Anvil
  • Pocket Catapult
  • Pocket Lint of the Ancients
  • Poisoned Apple, Bruised
  • Poncho of Partial Coverage
  • Popcorn of Dramatic Moments
  • Porridge of Perfect Temperature
  • Portal Stone to the Lobby
  • Portcullis Remote, No Buttons
  • Postcard from the Abyss
  • Potato of Many Eyes
  • Potion of Ant Strength, Human Dose
  • Potion of Cold Resistance, Serve Chilled

P, continued

  • Potion of Fire Resistance, Ish
  • Potion of Growth, Hair Only
  • Potion of Haste, Slow Acting
  • Potion of Healing, Grape Flavor
  • Potion of Heroism, Aftertaste of Doubt
  • Potion of Invisibility to Yourself
  • Potion of Levitation, Two Inches
  • Potion of Looking Busy
  • Potion of Mana, Sugar Free
  • Potion of Night Vision, Daytime Formula
  • Potion of Polymorph into a Slightly Different You
  • Potion of Probably Healing
  • Potion of Speaking to Furniture
  • Potion of Stamina, Naps Not Included
  • Potion of Truth, Half

P, continued

  • Potion of Water Breathing, Decorative
  • Potion Sickness
  • Potion That Tastes Like Purple
  • Power Armor, Extension Cord
  • Pre-Sharpened Sphere
  • Predecessor's Half-Read Scroll
  • Pressure Plate, Welcome Mat Edition
  • Pretzel of Twisted Logic
  • Previous Hero's Unfinished Sandwich
  • Princess's Change of Plans
  • Pristine Mud Pie
  • Proof of Heroism, Notarized
  • Prophecy, First Draft
  • Pudding of Proof
  • Purse of Exact Change, Wrong Currency

Q: 8 names

  • Quarterly Report of the Damned
  • Queen's Stunt Double's Crown
  • Quest Item, Do Not Sell
  • Quill of Passive Aggressive Memos
  • Quill That Corrects Other People's Spelling
  • Quilt of a Thousand Naps
  • Quiver in Your Boots
  • Quiver, Arrows Extra

R: 49 names

  • Rainbow, Short Range
  • Raincoat of Indoor Use
  • Ransom Note with Spelling Corrections
  • Rapier of Witty Remarks Only
  • Rare Dust
  • Rare Steak, Legendary Gristle
  • Rat Tail, Assorted
  • Ration Bar of Sawdust and Hope
  • Rations (May Contain Nuts and Bolts)
  • Rations, Iron, Literal
  • Ray Gun, Mostly Ray
  • Receipt for a Cart

R, continued

  • Receipt of Destiny
  • Recipe for Boiled Water
  • Retired Knight's Dented Lunch Pail
  • Reusable Smoke Bomb, Used
  • Reversible Cloak, Same Both Sides
  • Riddle Without an Answer
  • Ring Binder
  • Ring Leader
  • Ring of Finding the Other Sock
  • Ring of Immunity to Papercuts
  • Ring of Speaking to Houseplants
  • Ring of the Song Stuck in Your Head

R, continued

  • Ring That Prefers the Other Hand
  • Ring Tone
  • Rival's Forgotten Lunch
  • Roast Chicken of Tactical Distraction
  • Robe Trotter
  • Robe with Decorative Pockets
  • Robot Arm, Left, Waving
  • Rock on a Leash, House Trained
  • Rock That Looks Like Another Rock
  • Rocket Skates, No Brakes
  • Rod of Detecting Rods
  • Rod of Measuring Fish Generously

R, continued

  • Rolling Pin of Reckoning
  • Rope That Ties Only Bows
  • Rope, Forty-Nine Feet
  • Rota of Doom
  • Royal Back Scratcher
  • Royal Decree About Geese
  • Royal Signet, Bottle Cap
  • Rubber Stamp of Destiny
  • Ruby of Doom, Red Glass
  • Ruler of a Twelve Inch Kingdom
  • Rumor in a Bottle
  • Runestone, Doodled Pebble
  • Rusty Bucket with a Hole

S: 138 names

  • Sabatons of Stepping in Puddles
  • Sack of Assorted Gravel
  • Sacred Coat Hanger
  • Sacred Mug of the Guild Kitchen
  • Sacred Spatula of Flipping
  • Saddle for a Very Small Horse
  • Sage's Stone Soup
  • Sarcastic Signpost
  • Sash of Participation
  • Saving Mace
  • Scarf of Moderate Warmth
  • Scepter of Kings, Costume Grade
  • Sconce That Is Obviously a Lever

S, continued

  • Scratched Lens
  • Scroll of Animate Laundry
  • Scroll of Comprehend Own Handwriting
  • Scroll of Cure Light Boredom
  • Scroll of Feather Fall, Read Faster
  • Scroll of Fireball, Water Damaged
  • Scroll of Hold This for a Moment
  • Scroll of Identify, Unidentified
  • Scroll of Minor Illusion of Competence
  • Scroll of Protection from Scrolls
  • Scroll of Resurrection, Coupon Attached
  • Scroll of Silence, Read Aloud
  • Scroll of Summon Awkward Pause
  • Scroll of Summon Lesser Paperwork

S, continued

  • Scroll of Teleport to Where You Stand
  • Scroll of Terms and Conditions
  • Scroll of True Seeing, Blurry Copy
  • Scroll of Wish, Already Granted
  • Scrubbing Brush of Stubborn Evil
  • Scythe of Reaping What Others Sowed
  • Seal of Pending Review
  • Sealed Orders, Unsealed and Resealed
  • Second Cousin's Lute Case, No Lute
  • Secret Door Handle
  • Self-Sealing Envelope of Secrets
  • Self-Stirring Cauldron, Stirs Clockwise Only
  • Sentient Hat with Opinions
  • Sergeant Oakley's Shouting Horn

S, continued

  • Seven League Boots, Three League Version
  • Sextant for Finding the Kitchen
  • Sheet Music for Kazoo Requiem
  • Sheriff's Deputy's Deputy Badge
  • Shield (Decorative)
  • Shield of Blocking Compliments
  • Shield of Loud Noises
  • Shipwreck Survivor's Bottle Reply
  • Shoes of the Untied Lace
  • Short Staff, Understaffed
  • Shovel with a Self-Filling Hole
  • Shrubbery Disguise
  • Side Quest in a Box
  • Siege Spatula

S, continued

  • Sieve for Carrying Soup
  • Signal Whistle, Silent Model
  • Signed Portrait of the Final Boss
  • Signet of Out of Office
  • Silent Alarm Bell
  • Singing Harp, Humming Only
  • Singing Kettle, Baritone
  • Single Damp Boot
  • Sinister Tea Towel
  • Sir Nigel's Spare Left Gauntlet
  • Skeleton Hand Coat Hook
  • Skeleton Key to Nothing Nearby
  • Skeleton's Spare Rib
  • Skull of the Lich, Novelty Mug

S, continued

  • Slightly Chewed Wand
  • Slightly Used Torch
  • Slime in a Leaky Flask
  • Sling of Smiting Giants Under Six Feet
  • Sling Shot in the Dark
  • Slippers of Loud Sneaking
  • Slow Potion
  • Smart Grenade, Too Smart to Explode
  • Smuggler's Honest Invoice
  • Snack of Opportunity
  • Snow Globe of a Nicer Dungeon
  • Soap of Slipping Away
  • Sock Drawer of Many Mysteries

S, continued

  • Socks of Mismatched Destiny
  • Solar Powered Night Light
  • Somebody's Lost Mitten
  • Soup of the Day Before
  • Soup Pot of Plenty, Mostly Turnip
  • Space Helmet with a Screen Door
  • Spaceship Keys on a Fuzzy Dice Keyring
  • Spare Shadow in a Jar
  • Spear Change
  • Spear Me the Details
  • Spear of Slaying Dragons Named Kevin
  • Spellbook with Only the Index
  • Sphinx's Riddle Answer Sheet
  • Spider Leg, Eighth

S, continued

  • Spike Pit Safety Railing
  • Spinning Wheel of Fortune
  • Splintered Oar
  • Sponge of Remembering Spills
  • Spoon of Stirring Counterclockwise
  • Sprout of Childhood Fears
  • Spurs of No Horse
  • Spyglass of Seeing Nearby Things
  • Spyglass, Lens Cap Stuck
  • Squeaky Hinge
  • Squire Tim's Training Shield
  • Stable Boy's Lucky Horseshoe, Unlucky Side
  • Staff Discount
  • Staff Meeting

S, continued

  • Staff of Poking Things from Afar
  • Staff of the Archmage, Replica
  • Staff Room Key
  • Staff That Corrects Your Grammar
  • Staff Turnover
  • Stale Trail Biscuit
  • Stamp of Final Approval
  • Stapler of Binding
  • Starmetal Ingot, Shiny Tin
  • Stealth Tambourine
  • Stepfather's Sensible Cloak
  • Stew That Stares Back
  • Stick of Pointing
  • Sticky Note of Remembrance

S, continued

  • Stone of Remembering Where You Put It
  • Stone of Rolling Into Your Shoe
  • Stool of Standing on Ceremony
  • Stormcaller's Rod, Lightning Sold Separately
  • Strongbox Made of Wicker
  • Stun Baton of Gentle Tickling
  • Suggestion Box of Bottomless Silence
  • Summons to Jury Duty
  • Sundial of Indoor Timekeeping
  • Sundial with a Night Mode
  • Superior Twig
  • Suspicious Cheese
  • Swash, Buckler Sold Separately
  • Sword Rack, Swordless

T: 62 names

  • Tabard of the Wrong Team
  • Tablecloth of Feasting, Crumbs Setting
  • Tablet of Destiny, Chalk
  • Tactical Teaspoon
  • Talisman of the Squeaky Floorboard
  • Talking Shield That Narrates
  • Tangled Ball of Twine
  • Tattered Sock Puppet
  • Tax Axe
  • Tea Bag, Third Use
  • Tea Cozy of Warding
  • Tea Strainer of Fine Distinctions

T, continued

  • Teapot of the Tempest
  • Teleporter, Luggage Arrives Later
  • Ten-Foot Pole, Nine Feet
  • Tent, Sleeps One Uncomfortably
  • Thesaurus of Synonyms for Ouch
  • Thieves' Tools, Starter Set, Plastic
  • Three Buttons and a Bead
  • Throne of Adjustable Lumbar Support
  • Thunder Hammer, Squeaks on Impact
  • Ticket Stub from the Arena
  • Time Machine, Forward Only, Normal Speed
  • Timesheet of the Ancients

T, continued

  • Tin Opener of Ancient Seals
  • Tinderbox, Tinder Not Included
  • Titan's Gauntlet, Oven Rated
  • Token for a Quest Already Finished
  • Toll Receipt for a Free Bridge
  • Tome Bound in Sensible Cardboard
  • Tome of Forbidden Knitting Patterns
  • Tome of Infinite Footnotes
  • Tome of Minutes from the Last Meeting
  • Tome of Pressing Flowers
  • Tome of Things Everyone Already Knows
  • Tome Sweet Tome
  • Tome Zone

T, continued

  • Tongs for Holding Other Tongs
  • Tonic of Remarkable Eyebrows
  • Tonic of Temporary Confidence
  • Top Hat of Low Doorways
  • Torch (Indoor Voice)
  • Torch of Illuminating the Obvious
  • Tower Shield of Blocking the View
  • Toymaker's Rejected Golem
  • Tractor Beam for Small Tractors
  • Trail Mix of Destiny
  • Trap Instructions, Step Two Missing
  • Trap That Says Click Out Loud

T, continued

  • Trapdoor (Door Only)
  • Travel Cake, Well Traveled
  • Travel Cloak, Not Suitable for Travel
  • Travel-Size Battering Ram
  • Treasure Map, X Removed
  • Trident of Triple Damage to Salads
  • Trojan Pony
  • Trousers, Hemmed for Someone Taller
  • Tuning Fork That Disagrees
  • Turnip of Last Resort
  • Turnpike
  • Tutorial Note You Skipped
  • Twin Brother's Identical Hat

U: 12 names

  • Ultra Rare Regular Hat
  • Umbrella for Underwater Use
  • Unbreakable Vase, Fragment
  • Uncle Barnaby's Questionable Compass
  • Uncle Gerald's Second-Best Helmet
  • Uncommon Sense
  • Understudy's Prop Dagger
  • Unhatched Plot
  • Unicorn Horn, Carrot Based
  • Unique Brick, One of Many
  • Universal Translator, Shouting Mode
  • Unlabeled Jar of Something

V: 12 names

  • Vault Combination, Last Digit Smudged
  • Veil of Thin Disguise
  • Vendor's Leftover Change
  • Vengeful Rubber Chicken
  • Vial of Bottled Enthusiasm
  • Vial of Concentrated Monday
  • Vial of Emergency Glitter
  • Vial of Pure Awkward Silence
  • Village Elder's Long Story, Abridged
  • Villain's Monologue Notes
  • Villain's Spare Key Under a Rock
  • Visor of Fogging Up

W: 34 names

  • Waffle of Indecision
  • Wand of Lukewarm Tea
  • Wand of Opening Already Open Doors
  • Wand of Pointing at Charts
  • Wand That Wants Credit
  • War Fan of Minus Two Dignity
  • War Kazoo
  • Ward Robe
  • Wardrobe of Slightly Elsewhere
  • Warhammer of Bonus Damage to Furniture
  • Warhorse Nosebag, Oats Missing

W, continued

  • Warlock's Pact, Fine Print Edition
  • Warped Shield Strap
  • Watering Can of the Flood Bringer
  • Waterproof Sponge
  • Waterskin, Leak Tested, Failed
  • Wax Seal of a Kingdom That Moved
  • Wedge of Cheese, Mouse Sized
  • Welcome Mat of Wiping Thy Feet
  • Wet Matches
  • Wheel, Reinvented
  • Wheelbarrow of One Careful Owner

W, continued

  • Whetstone, Soft
  • Whip of Cracking Wise
  • Whistle Only Squirrels Hear
  • Whiteboard Relic, Do Not Erase
  • Winged Sandals, Feathers Glued On
  • Wishing Well in a Bucket
  • Witness Statement of a Parrot
  • Wizard Pemberton's Monogrammed Towel
  • Wizard's Laundry Token
  • Wizard's Unfinished Novel
  • Wolf Pelt, Mostly Bald
  • Wooden Spoon of Stern Warnings

Y: 1 name

  • Yeti Fur Coat, Sheepskin

Z: 1 name

  • Zombie's Loose Change